Not according to plan….but making it work!

December 15, 2008 at 2:24 am 2 comments

Hey all! Hope you’ve all had a fantastic day. I did, for the most part! 🙂
I went shopping (alone, am most productive that way – but I know it’s also ed-related, as much as I love my girlfriends, I also isolate alot) for 3 hours and knocked a TON of christmas presents off my list – along with buying myself some william&sonoma pumpkin spice body lotion, a cute sweater from urban outfitters and a new pair of pj’s. I am so bad, must stop spending money! What happened to the me who had self control in the mall when I was in university, haha. Anyways, I did that for 3 hours, then my loving fiancee took me grocery shopping and I picked up all the necessities – unfortunatly not at whole foods, whole foods is one of the places we have decided to stop going too (gasp!) to try and save for our honeymoon. Sigh….

I was a bit hungry at the mall, and decided to treat myself, half because I wanted too, and half because I wanted to “test” ED. I went to starbucks (see a pattern here? love that place) and ordered a tall non-fat half sweet hot chocolate, and a buttery oat bar (oh those oat bars are to die for, but have 370 cals a pop). I drank all the hot chocolate, and had half the oatbar (gave the other half to my love). And I felt really good about it! no guilt! So I was quite pleased about that!
Some friends of ours (a couple) came over to our condo (did I mention my fiancee and I live together?) and hung out for a few hours, before I proceeded to make dinner. At the grocery store I picked up a “reduced fat” four cheese sauce for pasta – one of my “unsafe” foods, but slightly safer because it was reduced fat. Anyways, so I’m cooking away, boiling the pasta, cooking the chicken, steaming the broccoli (to mix it all together – ya see?) and decided to sample to cheese sauce while it warmed up. OH MY GOD, SINCE WHEN DOES FOUR CHEESE SAUCE CONTAIN BLUE CHEESE. I nearly lost my oat bar, I cannot stand stinky old cheeses like that, it was horrible. I had to throw it out, and then panicked cause my dinner was ruined and thrown off (ED panics when things don’t go perfectly) – so lovely fiancee ran down to the store across the street and picked up a tomato sauce. All was saved, and dinner turned out to be pretty good. No pics sorry! I was going to take one of the finished product but with all of the confuffle (yes, I’m making that a word) I forgot! Ekk! Will post pics tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow…I’m a little anxious, as I sit here in my new pj’s typing away. I am with a client all day tomorrow, which means my day is longer than usual, and my meal times (and what I eat) is out of my control. During the work week I generally eat at specified times, breakfast at 8:30, snack at 10:30, lunch at 12:30, snack at 4:00, dinner at 8:00. Well, when I’m with a client (out of the office) my meal times vary so much, there could be as much as a 6 hour window between breakfast and lunch with no snack! I really struggle with these days – and I wish I could just put it out of my mind for ONE day but I never can – I mean, what is more important, work or AN EATING SCHEDULE? When I was in university (and fully eating disordered, no desire for recovery) I always thought being in the working world would be so much easier, in terms of controlling my eating – being able to plan everything out perfectly because of the scheduled working day. Well, IT IS NOT LIKE THAT. And I must say, for my recovery, its a good thing! I NEED more days like this so I can learn to be normal – days where eating is out of my control is NORMAL, I need to embrace it and look to it as a chance to make myself stronger, and more capable of rising above ED and these ridiculous thoughts! And that, is exactly what I plan to do tomorrow. I’m also not working out tomorrow, because I am on my feet walking around from 9:00-roughly 6:30, only sitting for 1/2 an hour or so for lunch. So my poor body will be exhausted. However, on these days, I struggle with “eating normally” for I feel if I eat normally and DON’T run in the morning, I will become a big beached whale. Which I KNOW is not true, but its so hard to drill that into my head! Working on it though!! Baby steps….
Hope you all have a great sunday night (even though its 9:30pm)!


Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

What is it about mornings…. Fighting the good fight

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Laura  |  December 15, 2008 at 3:01 am

    ED loves his times…doesn’t he? I got so bad with times that I would literally get MAD at people who were late for dinner, or if my mom didn’t have dinner ready at EXACTLY 5:00 (we’re early eaters). I ended up going on medicine for anxiety and HOLY COW I lose track of time now! I’m not saying you need it or anything, but it might be something to look in to =]

  • 2. wine blog  |  December 15, 2008 at 3:09 am

    shopping alone is the only way to get stuff done!

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